Dear Rebba, I think this Haiku may be slightly edited!
"to see" may be deleted since "watching" implies seeimg.
"deep" may also be deleted: Or alternatively "low" may be used.
"heavily laden" may be converted to "heavy-laden":
Dear Rebba you have made a good choice! "Watching" too I felt "watch" would do and you have made that change. I also see why you insist on keeping "heavily laden" .
... and isnt it grand that we all have differing perceptions? Perception is, I think, a major tool in one's creative thinking. No perceptions are always correct; none are wrong, they are just... . > Just my unassuming style <
weighted branches
these crowds watch the limbs
bend low
_m
In "checking my motives," I intended to offend no one, not you, not Rebba. I simply offered what I thought was an innocuous view of how we all differ. But again, I have shown only my ignorance; my ship is on the reef. _m
"to see" may be deleted since "watching" implies seeimg.
"deep" may also be deleted: Or alternatively "low" may be used.
"heavily laden" may be converted to "heavy-laden":
heavy-laden ~
crowds watching
supple branches bow(ing) low
or with the "supple" given dual value we may arrange the lines thus.
heavy-laden ~
crowds watching, supple
branches bow(ing) low
Please do what strikes you as appropriate. I hope I have not transgressed, by my overt suggestions.But I think you will not misunderstand my motive.
An evocative Haiku justifying its own intrinsic animism.
Thank you for honouring my suggestions.
weighted branches
these crowds watch the limbs
bend low
_m
Surely i agree we all differ and that is the way it is.
Incidentally your Haiku structurally and aesthetically are unique and I can easily identify them by their subtlety. That proves what you say too.
Respectfully
Yours
Narayanan
To self-reprimand for my errors
and to apologize for my injuring you
I have deleted those entries !