Minimalism is an attitude cultivated by many in the Haiku circles. Let's hope it does not become an obsession and loose the essence of Haiku. In my opinion many modern English haiku written and published are truncated and illegible in spirit.
Last year i had posted two Cow Haiku on http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WHCworkshop/ ~ A discussion that ensued is presented here verbatim to clarify this point.
Hello friends , Gratitude for time granted ~
In India cow is considered sacred by many ~ "go-maatha" { Mother Cow }[Sanskrit] is a common expression used in most Indian Languages Narayanan ~
summer drizzle ~ the cow swirls the tail swats the flies
twilight temple bells ~ three blue butterflies flutter around a cow
April 21, 2005 ~
I like both of these Narayanan. The first, a sense of ritual ..or of life going on even in a drizzle...with that swirling tail, the perpetual swatting of flies.
The second, 'twilight'...such a beautiful time of day especially combined with temple bells. Lovely image to follow..perhaps the blue butterflies consider the cow sacred too! :-)
Carole
Thank You Carole san for the reading and finding time to comment ~ gratefully Narayanan
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Haikei Narayanan san
Both of your poems are quite beautiful.
If you will permit me to make comments on the first as far as adapting to English, here is my suggestion:
summer drizzle -- a mother cow swats at flies with her tail the above is the long version but omits "swirl" altogether and allows the reader to imagine how else can a cow's tail swat flies?
summer drizzle -- a mother cow swats at flies
Please forgive the minamilist in me for the above as the tail and the swirl are all implied to the reader through imagination. What do you think? keigu ai... chibi
Thank you ai...chibi san for the sincere comments.
I apologize for the delayed response. My computer problems.
First i have written many minmalist Haiku thouhgh not as a rule. I often find that many minimal ones are artifically trimmed and look disjoint sometimes.
Now coming to this Haiku, "mother" is implicit ~ there is no need to be so specific about motherhood here i think.
why do you say "with her" tail [ Is it not obvious?}
even "at" can be removed!
"summer drizzle ~ a cow swats flies with tail"
or even
"summer drizzle ~ a cow swats flies"
or even more minimally
"summer drizzle ~ a cow swats"
The cow can gently shuffle, shift, flutter flip fling, etc the tail. Here it swirls it because the flies are near the head. So I have justified "the swirl" and tail i guess. Now the "the"s are essential here for the resonant rhythm! Please read all versions aloud and check.
summer drizzle ~ the cow swirls the tail swats the flies
I also want to show a lethargy, slowness in the action!
In the Indian languages I know, "the" hardly exists ~ But It is essential in English i suppose. "the cow" and "a cow" and "cow" have different resonances ~ I have used three "the"s so rarely in my Haiku. Hardly ever i may say. Here It is a general situation and not a very rarely occuring situation, so i have used the "the"s. Note the "a cow" and no "the"s in the second one.
"tail" and "swirl" are not implicit as i see it but need explicit mention.
I hope I have clarified.
Thank you for your kind attention
Narayanan Raghunathan ~
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Dear Narayanan and chibi. I have enjoyed both the haiku and the comments following. My own haiku are undergoing a bit of a change and reading the comments above it helps me understand why I am moving in a slightly different direction. I used to write minimalist too..still do on occasion if it works. But..one has to ask themselves just what is being observed? Surely not an ordinary cow swatting his tail which is something we are all aware cows do all the time...but instead...a detail..something special observed by the poet. There is both music and dance in both language and action of 'swirls the tail, swats the fly's." I consider this haiku a very focused look at the cow and something I can't help but think the master's would have noticed too. We use the words necessary to bring these moments to the reader. And the juxtaposition of 'summer drizzle', does much to add to the keenly observed moment.
Carole
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Narayanan
I love the sights and sounds in the second one...WOW! very nice...
In your first you might consider getting rid of one "the" in L2. maybe...
summer drizzle the cows tail swirls to swat the fly
to take or toss paula
anyway...you should send it to Robin Gill for his "fly-ku" his email address is uncoolwabin@h..._ (mailto:uncoolwabin@h...)
Great Thanks Paula for the kind response~ I will explain why i used "the" in the first one . Actually just before i posted it, i read it again and refused to delete it despite being aware of its non necessity sometimes. I checked reading with "a", "the" and blank. I felt the Haiku sounds best when read with "the". I thought i needed the stress ~ Not any cow ~ but "the cow".
Thank you for your version. But it is the cow that swats the flies not the tail surely. I still checked reading and surely prefer my version.
Of course about the mysterious meaningless "the", a little doubt still lingers!!
Thank you Narayanan ~
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where did you get those shoes the cow asks h
Helen Ruggier
in the cow barn milking machines gurgle tails chase flies
jd john daleiden
I hope that this discussion clarifies certain things. It is ideal to keep an open attitude towards the universal genre of Haiku instead of rigidifying it with more rules and don'ts.
Narayanan Raghunathan
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