john...i must confess that magyar...keith and you got me thinking...i had posted these some days ago...along with dozens of others...on an impulse...
very rarely do i reread what i write...
i adhere to no particular style or form...
...you translated a few...but the ones with no comments i withdrew...i am in the process of editing them...keeping in mind valuable instructions...magyar's...keith's...yours and narayanan's...the list of my e-gurus increases by the day...
This is a special Haiku! It is classical in tone and when you say "sweet marmalade" as a closure it invokes innocence, gentle humour, and invokes a sentient experience. As Reza remarks appropriately with humour "an orange-coloured" Haiku.
mandarin orange, the fruit, mikan???
kigo for all winterthe fruit of Citrus reticulata, eaten almost on a daily basis in Japan.
http://kenyasaijiki.blogspot.com/2006/03/oranges.html
But in India it may be a summer kigo as i sense it!
I am just confirming that this Haiku has a kigo, kireji and a fine closure in the noun "marmalade"! It is succinct very instinctive and natural.
We discussed the position of the adjective in the last line . Two things may be observed! It is preferable to use natural order for adjectives in a haiku: it is ideal to close a Haiku with a noun(image) with a rich suggestion backwards to the origin of the Haiku! The Haiku calls to be re-read by this.
very rarely do i reread what i write...
i adhere to no particular style or form...
...you translated a few...but the ones with no comments i withdrew...i am in the process of editing them...keeping in mind valuable instructions...magyar's...keith's...yours and narayanan's...the list of my e-gurus increases by the day...
mandarin orange, the fruit, mikan???
kigo for all winterthe fruit of Citrus reticulata, eaten almost on a daily basis in Japan.
http://kenyasaijiki.blogspot.com/2006/03/oranges.html
But in India it may be a summer kigo as i sense it!
I am just confirming that this Haiku has a kigo, kireji and a fine closure in the noun "marmalade"! It is succinct very instinctive and natural.
We discussed the position of the adjective in the last line . Two things may be observed! It is preferable to use natural order for adjectives in a haiku: it is ideal to close a Haiku with a noun(image) with a rich suggestion backwards to the origin of the Haiku! The Haiku calls to be re-read by this.