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trap
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| Posted by Rebba Singh Wed, Mar 26th 2008, 04:01 :: English | |||
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dewdrops glisten - the spider listens to buzzing mosquitoes
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| Scots translation by John McDonald. Posted on Wed, Mar 26th 2008, 07:00 | |||
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deowdraps glister - the attercap taks tent: bizzin mosquitoes |
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| Malayalam translation by Narayanan Raghunathan. Posted on Wed, Mar 26th 2008, 22:39 | |||
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manju thullikal thilangi - ettukaali shravikkunnu moolunna kothukuakl |
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| Tamizh translation by Narayanan Raghunathan. Posted on Wed, Mar 26th 2008, 22:42 | |||
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thilangum pani-neer chottukal - ettukaali kekkudu moolum koshukkalai |
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The "spider-dewdrop" is an old theme but which manifests anew again again in Haiku. You have created an ambience here by shifting the focus to the spider's concern: from, the visual invocation of "glistening dewdrops", to the aural closure of "buzzing mosquitoes" is effective ~ Thus the Haiku creates its own valid space of presence!
We clarified in our discussion the necessity of "to" in the second line and the general useful rule that a haiku preferably has one ceasura(kireji)and not two!