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lining up
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| Posted by Nanda Kumar Thu, Aug 14th 2008, 01:40 :: English | |||
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four doves on a power line; two white, one brown, one blue-black |
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| Swedish translation by Nanda Kumar. Posted on Thu, Aug 14th 2008, 01:40 | |||
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fyra duvar på en| telefonlinje; två vita, en brun, en blå-svart |
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I read the Swedish version which sounds so eloquent to my untrained ears!
Then an option of adding a verb to the English version suggested itself to me ~
four doves (perch) on
a power line; two white,
one brown, one blue-black
The verb "perch" is implicit of course! But i think this addition enhances the resonances of the haiku & even maybe gives it a little subtle eloquence, a quality of repose !