WonderHaikuWorlds

Comments
Very Good Nanda ~ Thank you ~ The toriawase shift is emphatic and the situation is shasei ~
Narayanan Raghunathan Sat, Aug 16th 2008, 01:23

very nice translation, rebba, thank you! Glad you liked it, Narayanan, thank you!
Nanda Kumar Sat, Aug 16th 2008, 02:22

Perhaps you could bring "nimbly" before the "squirrel" ! leaves murmur in the evening breeze nimbly, a squirrel leaps I think it sounds more self-resonant too. "Adverbs" are generally taboo in English haiku circles! So we may check this version too. leaves murmur in the evening breeze - a nimble squirrel leaps
Narayanan Raghunathan Sat, Aug 16th 2008, 03:25

Another good one that captures the beauty of nature, Nanda!
Keith A. Simmonds Sat, Aug 16th 2008, 03:34

Dear Narayan, what is shasei?
Nanda Kumar Mon, Aug 18th 2008, 01:04

shasei ~ capturing a moment "just as it is" with out frills elucidations: a near literal photo image than a personal painting of the scene! http://www.wonderhaikuworlds.com/haikuandgenres-terminology.php Shasei ~ "Describing nature as it is, like in a snapshot with a camera as opposed to a painting, where you can input your feelings. Shiki used the word shasei, meaning "reality sketches," to characterize his approach to what he saw and did with his writing. His poems mix sound and color in a unique way, and this mix reverberates throughout the modern Japanese sensibility." Gabi Greve http://groups.yahoo.com/group/happyhaiku/message/914
Narayanan Raghunathan Mon, Aug 18th 2008, 10:17