WonderHaikuWorlds

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Great Haiku Nanda !
Narayanan Raghunathan Sat, Aug 16th 2008, 01:21

Dear Nanda, i will never forget this haiku and I have seen it too more than once. I use adjectives discretely! this one is great. Some editor may say why say "thirsty" crow, won't it be revealed in the haiku, why specify it ! But I find it very relevant with the relative strees between "thirsty and "thrust". Thank you for enhancing WHW. I take more libertty in being even critical about your work. I hope it is not offensive and I am not treading forbidden grounds !
Narayanan Raghunathan Sat, Aug 16th 2008, 01:42

Thank you again, Rebba, for the wonderful translation! I feel, Narayanan, that it is best to omit the "thirsty" adjective, whihc should be implicit. As I think I read someone comment earlier here, there should eb an element of mystery. NO, your comments are great, very welcome, please feel free to be VERY CRITICAL!
Nanda Kumar Sat, Aug 16th 2008, 02:28

Nanda I think I had mentioned about the element of mystery ! Here, my first instinct was to delete the adjective "thirsty" ~ But I refrained, wondering why you had it there ~ and found it echoed with thrust. This haiku has no explicit kireji , and no toriawase ~ just one continuous image: but it is a perfect moment well captured ! The crow looks around, twists its neck, thrusts beak up the pipe maybe a better way to order the lines, enhancing the mystery after each line!
Narayanan Raghunathan Sat, Aug 16th 2008, 03:10

A lovely one, indeed,Nanda! I like it!
Keith A. Simmonds Sat, Aug 16th 2008, 03:32

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