WonderHaikuWorlds

pride
Posted by larry wilmarth Wed, Oct 22nd 2008, 17:44 :: English
glad it's all done, should truth be told pondering my latest scar pride we sow, we humbly reap hopefully my queen forgives a small price to pay her gentle scold my last steps home the shortest road

Comments
Good one Larry: It is strangely fragmented in rhythm with the "-" punctuation: quantized so to say!
Narayanan Raghunathan Fri, Oct 24th 2008, 05:08

hi narayanan...I agree with you...the format I had broke rhythm...hope this is better...thanks for a great comment...very helpful...larry
larry wilmarth Fri, Oct 24th 2008, 17:08

Yes Larry: I think this version is surely better. Thank you.
Narayanan Raghunathan Fri, Oct 24th 2008, 22:43

Maybe Larry, a pause a comma(,) after "done" and "sow", may make the comprehension easier!
Narayanan Raghunathan Sun, Oct 26th 2008, 12:27

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