IV] ON THE STRUCTURE GRAMMAR RHYTHMS AND METHODS IN ENGLISH HYBRID HAIKU ~[Some Personal Observations, Preferences]

Narayanan Raghunathan

 

TENSE IN HAIKU

Haiku is about the immediate moment ~ so a Haiku is almost always cast in the present tense ~ This seems to be a very universal characteristic of Haiku written in English and even many of those translated from Japanese.

a paradise on
every flower in
a butterfly's eye ~

a knife etches
a beautiful woman
on sandalwood ~

moonlight walk ~
sound of my footsteps
chase my feet ~

embracing
the ocean, the sun
vanishes ~

regal lion surveys
caged homosapiens
munching peanuts ~

sunlight
wobbles in breeze
in pink floral-bowls ~

five dogs one
after another disappear
into the winter sky ~

butterfly takes off
from the flower ~ the
flower wobbles ~

beejaat ankura: ~
ankure madhyaana surye
bhringa: pibati prakaasham ~

from the seed the sprout
from the midday-sun in the sprout
the bee drinks light ~

the painter inside
the landscape paints
the landscape ~

Some experts say Present Continuous Tense [gerunds ending in "ing"] should not be used. I would say preferably used only in extreme necessity ~ Some people[especially beginners] tend to use the continuous tense instead of the present tense. But sometimes the continuous tense becomes useful as in the examples below. It is ideal to check and use the gerunds discreetely.

embracing
the ocean, the sun
vanishes ~

regal lion surveys
caged homosapiens
munching peanuts ~

two goats walk on
their walking shadows

[of course here the gerund is used as an adjective ]

[I personally feel that the continuous tense ("embracing" "munching"" "walking" are necessary in the concerned Haiku here]

NOUNS AND VERBS ~

Nouns are the basic units of the Haiku ~
Verbs are carefully used to connect the nouns intrinsically ~

a knife etches
a beautiful woman
on sandalwood ~

moonlight walk ~
sound of my footsteps
chase my feet ~

mossy rocks
radiant abloom on
a cloudy sky ~

funeral ceremony ~
red-ants carry grasshopper ~
distant bhajan in air ~

[Note ~ Bhajan ~ A Religious song praising or invoking God in His Infinite Manifestation showing the devotees Bhakthi [Divine Devotion]~ Generally sung in a group in temples and houses often with percussion accompaniment ~ There are innumerable Bhajans sung in India in the various languages on the Divine Nature of God ~ Root ~ Bhaj ~ to invoke, to pray, to meditate ~~~~ ana ~ to elucidate, to expand, to clarify, ~ [Sanskrit] ~]

CLOSING OF HAIKU ~

It may be better to close the Haiku with a noun[ with the noun enhancing the whole meaning and power of the Haiku. I find that most of the Haiku that I have written end with a noun. But surely there are some rare exceptions.

a paradise on
every flower in
a butterfly's eye ~

a knife etches
a beautiful woman
on sandalwood ~

moonlight walk ~
sound of my footsteps
chase my feet ~

But rarely it may end in a verb or continuous verb[gerund] !

embracing
the ocean, the sun
vanishes ~

holding a lotus in
her hand the beautiful girl
walks on gently smiling

NUMBER OF VERBS IN A HAIKU ~

I notice that I have written Haiku with no verb, one verb, two verbs and rarely even three verbs even four or five very very rarely. I observe that roughly about 70% use only one verb! 25% use 2 verbs, 4% are verbless [ these are specially challenging ] Very rarely [ less than 1% ] I have used three verbs. Most exceptionally I have written very few with four or five verbs!!

a paradise on
every flower in
a butterfly's eye ~

[ no verb ]

a sun in
a little pond on
a lotus leaf ~

[ no verb ]

a knife etches
a beautiful woman
on sandalwood ~

[ one verb ]

mossy rocks
radiant abloom on
a cloudy sky ~

[ one verb ]

vidooraakaashe
ashvaaha nivasanthi
sooryena saha ~
[Sanskrit]

the distant sky ~
horses live with
the sun ~
[Translation]

[ one verb ]

winter vastness ~
snowflakes pile up
white silences

[ one verb ]

sunlight
wobbles in breeze
in pink floral-bowls ~

[ one verb ]

five dogs one
after another disappear
into the winter sky ~

[ one verb ]

beejaat ankura: ~
ankure madhyaana surye
bhringa: pibati prakaasham ~
[ Sanskrit ]

from the seed the sprout
from the midday-sun in the sprout
the bee drinks light ~
[Translation]

[ one verb ]

moonlight walk ~
sound of my footsteps
chase my feet ~

[ one verb ]

butterfly takes off
from the flower ~ the
flower wobbles ~

[ two verbs ]

these crazy butterflies
reign all these wonder worlds ~
they fly over walls ~

[ two verbs ]

all children rejoice ~
Lakshmi's first moped solo ~
Kaantha says bye-bye ~

[two verbs]

twilight waves
recede recede recede
never return

[ four verbs ]

I am a butterfly
I not only flip flutter and fly
I also laugh and cry ~

[ five verbs ]

ADJECTIVES IN HAIKU ~

In my opinion adjectives are preferably used sparingly and necessarily. Some Haikuists avoid them altogether claiming closeness to the Japanese originals! But I personally feel that essential adjectives are really necessary or else the Haiku looks like a skeleton of itself. Many of The Japanese Haiku of Classical Masters in English Translations use adjectives freely. Further Japanese language has intrinsic poetic suggestibility too that compensates even when adjectives are not directly employed.

"Many Western conventions such as don'ts of sentence haiku,anthropomorphism, cause and effect or metaphor are unheard of in Japan."Susumu Takiguchi

a knife etches
a beautiful woman
on sandalwood ~

[It may be noted that the adjective "beautiful" is essential here or so I feel]

regal lion surveys
caged homosapiens
munching peanuts ~

[Here "caged" is a necessary adjective and one can see that even "regal" is a necessary adjective. I felt a blankness without it both rhythmically and aesthetically.]

Adverbs In Haiku

Adverbs are rarely needed and they are best avoided generally, in my opinion. I have used them very scarcely out of some aesthetic necessity. In most cases we will be able to get an equivalent idea with an adjective on a noun. But I think adverb may become useful and essential in some places.

holding a lotus in
her hand the beautiful girl
walks on gently smiling ~

[Please note that the adverb "gently" works on both the verbs "walks onv and "smiling" ~]

ARTICLES IN HAIKU

Articles [a, an, the etc.] are best used discriminately. I personally note that "a bird", "the bird" and mere "bird" have different associative etymological depths. Sometimes I use "a" or "an", sometimes "the", but often avoid either. The following examples perhaps illustrate. But I feel that completely eliminating articles as a rule and tending to be minimalist is not fair to language or to Haiku or to the reader.

a knife etches
a beautiful woman
on sandalwood ~

[This one uses "a" twice ~]

embracing
the ocean, the sun
vanishes ~

[This one uses "the" twice ~]

regal lion surveys
caged homosapiens
munching peanuts ~

[This one uses no articles at all]

these crazy butterflies
reign all these wonder worlds ~
they fly over walls ~

[In this one there are two "these  and one "they" ~ all essential or so I feel ~]

Now we can see the stripped version of the above ~

crazy butterflies
reign all wonder worlds
fly over walls ~

[Perhaps some may even think this is better ~ I am not sure myself!]

Further stripping it off the adjectives we have this absolutely truncated version

butterflies
reign all worlds
fly over walls ~

[Some may even feel this is truly a Haiku ~ ]

PROPOSITIONS IN HAIKU

Propositions [on, in, of, to, from etc.] are also to be used carefully. They must feel essential and if a mere gap will do, it is better to avoid them, to offer greater associative suggestibility.

a knife etches
a beautiful woman
on sandalwood ~

[This one uses one propsition ]

embracing
the ocean, the sun
vanishes ~

[This one uses no proposition ]


regal lion surveys
caged homosapiens
munching peanuts ~

[This one uses no proposition]

these crazy butterflies
reign all these wonder worlds ~
they fly over walls ~

[This one uses one propsition ]

FIRST PERSON REFERENCES

First Person references [or reference to oneself] are generally avoided in Haiku by many western Haijin(s). But I have felt the need to use them sometimes as indicated below. Issa and other great Haijin(s) have used First person in their Haiku casually .

"Many Western conventions such as don'ts of sentence haiku,anthropomorphism, cause and effect or metaphor are unheard of in Japan." Susumu Takiguchi

in the mirror
my face ~
I smile ~

[Here I have even begun this one with a proposition, which is considered inappropriate by some.]

moonlight walk ~
sound of my footsteps
chase my feet ~

PROPER NOUNS IN HAIKU.

Proper Nouns especially names of people are rarely or almost never used generally ~ But I have felt the need to use then sometimes especially in Senryu ~

young Lakshmi stands
real close to her mother, measures
who is really taller ~

THE KIREJI ~ THE INTRINSIC SILENCE

Something Intrinsic To Allmost All Haiku Is The Essential pause Or Elucidatory silence[ caused by the cutting word] in Japanese which generally comes at the end of the first or second line or even both. Often secondary silences in the middle of the first or second line are also implicit. Please Look for The Silence(s) in the following ones. This is called "kireji which is intrinsic to Japanese Language.In English we may have to show the major pause sometimes by a sign like "- "~"or ":" or ";" or "," [I use ~]

moonlight walk ~
sound of my footsteps
chase my feet

in the mirror
my face ~
I smile ~

embracing
the ocean, the sun
vanishes ~

a knife etches
a beautiful woman
on sandalwood ~

mossy rocks
radiant abloom on
a cloudy sky ~

regal lion surveys
caged homosapiens
munching peanuts ~

these crazy butterflies
reign all these wonder worlds ~
they fly over walls ~

all children rejoice ~
Lakshmi's first moped solo ~
Kaantha says bye-bye ~

There are various opinions regarding where the kireji should occur. After The first line, after the second line, or both after the first line and second lines, or whether it can occur in the middle of the first or second line etc. whether any sign[ like - ,~ ] should be used at all. It is also called caesura in English.

SIMILE IN HAIKU

Traditionally simile as a technique is not generally used in Japanese Haiku.� But the rich seasonal references and seasonal metaphysical etymological depth of the language make such sentient suggestions more intrinsic to Japanese so it has been observed by knowledgeable ones.
Some modern practitioners of the genre in English almost consider it a taboo. But simile is rarely subtly used in traditional Haiku too. A famous crow Haiku by Basho himself stands out as a wonderfull example. I felt the need to use it rarely as shown below.It is the general opinion that "like" to show simile is best avoided.

astral clusters bloom
on garden wall ~ jasmines
chant sunlit incenses

ALLITERATIONS AND RHYMES

"Alliterations and rhymes should be intrinsic accidental and not really self consciously intended so to say since these could distract from the intention of the Haiku sometimes ". But one could have difference of opinion here. In gendai type of Haiku all such ornamentative techniques are considered valid methods. They have come into my Haiku out of rhythmic and aesthetic necessity and personal prediliction.
But Japanese language has intrinsic music and rhythmic poetry which surely comes in many Japanese Haiku too.

I am a butterfly
I not only flip flutter and fly
I also laugh and cry ~

JUXTAPOSITION IN HAIKU

Haiku Uses Contrasting images often to indicate their intrinsic unity in the "Zen Sense" Hence technically a juxtaposition comes often into the structure of the genre. But I feel that this should be intrinsic and not contrived to add excess weight. Some western theoreticians of Haiku even insist on the necessity of forcing the juxtaposition of images in Haiku ~ I was rather amused ~ So I wrote the following one, a sly one perhaps ~ A senryu.

Haiku Guru teaches
sly juxtaposition tricks ~
I watch my sky ~

But of course I use juxtapositions[ intrinsic mutual contrasts] in many Haiku! This is called Toriawase in Japanese. For more Information refer below.

On Toriawase
Susumu Takiguchi
Oxford, UK

http://www.worldhaikureview.org/21/whcschools_st_toriawase.shtml


�

LANGUAGE OF HAIKU ~

Generally hard poetic and intellectual words come seldom handy for Haiku and they distract from the finger that points ~ Rarely I have found the need to use them though ~

twilight solemnity ~
solitary butterfly incants glory ~
destination eternity ~

Words like
"eternity" and "solemnity" and perhaps even "destination" are too far out for Haiku! As the adage runs we make the rules to overcome them

SYLLABLE COUNT ~ NO! Not Necessarily Seventeen!

Many people tend to say, "17 syllables [5/7/5]" and say "Ah! Haiku" ~ But onji[kana] and syllable are very different ~ When Haiku was adapted into English after world-war two, the seventeen syllables came in as an artifice. Most serious ones felt that it is too long and some went in for various options ~ a 11 syllables [3/5/3 partition] count or 10 syllables [3/4/3 partition]. But many felt that it is too constraining and went in for various syllable counts in different partitions into lines. Some extremists even went in for 7 syllable style in a 2/3/2 partition ~ I prefer the freedom that the rhythm dictates. I have written mostly between 11 and 17 syllables, rarely less [even as less as seven syllables ], very rarely even more than 17 syllables [ eighteen or nineteen ] out of some poetic necessity. Following examples perhaps illustrate~

embracing
the ocean, the sun
vanishes ~

mossy rocks
radiant abloom on
a cloudy sky ~

incense moonlight
blooms tender lotus-silences ~
starry-sky incants air ~

I close my palm
hold tight a breeze, open it,
let out an emptiness ~


spring full-bloom on
car-rear-glass begins
a long pilgrimage ~


incense spring melts on
lucid river ~ country-boat dreams
floral path of light ~

spring breeze blazes
landscape in sunlight ~ sparrows
stream in, in melody ~

rhythm of Fire ~
articulate horizon brews
the first drizzle ~

the sacred drizzle ~
the birds have abandoned
the smell of earth ~


inverted mountain
dazzles on dawn-waters ~
breeze hum erases ~

verdant breeze envelope
spasms ~ solitary autumn
leaf gently falls ~

twilight village ~
temple bell blazes ~ sparrows
tingle silences in mist ~

The following conclusion in a brilliant essay on the topic by Keiko Imaoka is relevant in this context.
"Thus we are in a blind, a catch twenty-two. If one wishes to have the brevity and the fragmented quality of Japanese haiku in English haiku, 17 syllables are too long. On the other hand, if a rigid structure is desired, 11 syllables are too short. One must choose between the two. The choice depends on which of the two factors a poet considers more important to haiku. The majority of contemporary English-haiku poets have let go of the tight forms in favor of brevity to develop the mainstream North American haiku."
THE FLEXIBILITY OF JAPANESE GRAMMAR
"There are two major linguistic factors that make the Japanese language more flexible, and thus easier to fit into a rigid form such as 5-7-5. Both of these factors derive from the fact that the grammatical units in Japanese are largely independent, and are relatively free to move about within a sentence.
1. RELATIVE FREEDOM OF WORD ORDER
2. RELATIVE EASE IN SEGMENTATION

Please refer to this remarkable essay for a clear statement of the situation. I was little sceptical about the seventeen syllable Haiku but learning with Imaoka's essay I now consider it as a legitimate alternative to mere brevity.

From
FORMS IN ENGLISH HAIKU
KEIKO IMAOKA

http://www.ahapoetry.com/keirule.htm

REPITITION OF WORDS ~

Since the Haiku is in itself tiny, a repeated word is almost considered wrong by many. But surely in rare situations the words may be repeated out of poetic necessity.

twilight waves
recede recede recede
never return

breeze far away
breeze near nearer
breeze all over me

an yellow butterfly
flutters flutters rises rises
vanishes into the sky

a leaf falls
another leaf falls ~ yet
another leaf falls

ON THE SYNTACTIC STRUCTURE

A haiku as a straight sentence without a conscious break[ kireji] is considered poor by many Haiku writers. ie.the Haiku should never be a simple grammatical sentence.
But I personally think that although we may have a structural break in the Haiku in most cases, I also do think that straight sentence Haiku with an implicit pause[kireji] is definitely a challenging propsition too. The following Haiku are all straight sentences without conscious structural break.

a paradise on
every flower in
a butterfly's eye ~

a knife etches
a beautiful woman
on sandalwood ~

regal lion surveys
caged homosapiens
munching peanuts ~

a frog leaps
over the moon
into the pond ~

two goats walk on
their walking shadows


PRESENTATION ~ ARRANGEMENT OF LINES ~

The arrangement of Haiku into three lines is also not a necessity although I note that almost all Haiku in English tend to stick to the rule. Here is one rare exception in two lines from my collection.

two goats walk on
their walking shadows ~

Here are a few in four lines ~

temple bells
sparkle in mist
a woman in pink
on horseback ~

"a pig today
ham tomorrow
my doomed destiny
is sealed"

hatha yoga in
the park ~ birds
flutter around
to watch ~ 

bamboo shoots
in seamless ikebana ~
i dream my pefect
bonsai garden�~ �

Christmas tree
on the starry sky ~
Christ descends in
digital codes ~

still lake
in moonlight ~
a still
red canoe

crystal light
sways in floral breeze ~
infinite horizons
turn seamless ~

 

More than four lines could be confusing, since a Tanka is five lined.

Technically one could have single line Haiku or even a single word Haiku! I read one well known single word Haiku and honestly I was not amused but irritated. I think such experiments are somewhat misleading.

CAPITALIZATION

Most Haikuists use no capitals at all. Some capitalize essentially [ like for I or place names etc.]. Some capitalize the first letter of the Haiku. Some capitalize the first letter of all the three lines. Some make all the letters in a Haiku capitals too!! I think we can be free in our choice here! I use small letters but for special nouns.

PUNCTUATION

Punctuations are rarely used. I use occasionally my favourite punctuation "~" to indicate a pause ~ [Amanda and Shyam also use this sign [~] in their Haiku ~ So we are a threesome about this punctuation in Haiku! ~! ~! ~] ~ But commas, semicolons etc. are best avoided according to my opinion. But others could have very different opinions. Rarely a question mark [?] or an exclamation mark[!] may come in. I have also rarely used a comma for a pause and/or rhythmic stress as shown below.

I close my palm
hold tight a breeze, open it,
let out an emptiness

spring breeze blazes
landscape in sunlight ~ sparrows
stream in, in melody

 

A GRAMMATICAL CONVENTION ~

I read that the plural of "Haiku" is "Haiku" and not "Haikus". But I found out later that some Japanese writing in English use "Haikus" for the plural. So now I feel that both may be considered legitimate. It is not a point for real controversy but just reframing a convention to include both the possibilities.

 

Note ~ All the Haiku used as examples in this essay are by Narayanan Raghunathan unless specified otherwise.





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